My Trip to the Sun

July 6th 2012 will stay with me until the day I am no longer with myself. I went on a trip, a trip within a trip. The first, to Victoria Park to meet with my captain, he gave me my ticket and I was off. At first everything was the same until I came to realise the peace that I felt, with myself, yes, but mostly with nature; everything around me was so vibrant and I was just so happy, my God was I ever happy. I knew I couldn’t go home like this and that’s when the panic began to creep forth and if you ever find a feeling worse than anxiety, the type that wraps around you like a cocoon, the type that constricts your every movement and feeds off your thirst for air, then let me know. A look into the setting sun calmed me; it was such a beautiful day. Nobody saw what I saw, the daylight was so good to me and the sweet scent of the sunlight was something I would never forget. Night fell and I rose, I drifted, my trip took a detour and I found myself in a dark car that tasted like coolness, it tasted like desire but it was not where I wanted to be. I wanted to go back to my place in the sun, I wanted to climb the ladder that put me above all the sadness I have ever felt, I was so high it was insignificant the past was just that, insignificant. The atmosphere in the car had a name, Alex and he was the driver now. There was a song playing it was about the summertime and it brought momentary comfort but it kept playing it was the same song playing and it would not stop playing. The darkness peaked through, he saw me looking, he saw my fear and even that split second of terror was enough for him, he settled in and he would never leave. The night went on and I arrived at a little yellow house that glowed like the sun but with a sinister twist. It wasn’t the uplifting yellow that held me above my thoughts, not the yellow that left my clouds behind, it was new. The yellow of the house was the yellow of a warning, the sun, my sun, was crying. I went on and I was about to land but instead I drank. It was fuel for my trip and so the visits began. First I saw the gates of hell opening and so I prayed to the God I so wrongly neglected and I swear to you I have never known fear until that instant. The sweat that rolled off my forehead coalesced and formed around me a cocoon and slowly but ever so surely the cocoon was absorbing and I was dying.  I saw a star shaped like the sun; no longer was I afraid and my sweat returned to its beaded form and it sunk back into my face threatening to reform at the slightest disturbance, and I knew better than to test him. I stayed where I was and so came forth Law. He rode with Law in a chariot heading towards the sun. The chariot blinked with red and blue lights and the horse pulling the chariot was anything but a horse. It was a skull glistening in the lights that shone behind him and when he drove past me time slowed and I could not pull my eyes away, he whispered that if I wanted freedom, now was the time but I saw a familiar glint in his eyes and I knew better than to trust him. He left and I left. Loneliness began to sink in so I moved towards the buzz of the crowd, I held on to the rope that the sound formed and found myself coughing up smoke but I saw my sun. Another puff and my ladder came forth, one puff too many and I started moving backwards and found myself staring him right in the eye. He secluded me and my loneliness revisited. He set me on the ground and told me to find my star and that if I could find it, I would be free but first he took a flame and set fire to the sky. I looked away because the heat began to reform the beads that constrict. When he was done the ashes fell from the sky like tears with no life left in them, and as for the stars, they were gone. The stars were gone and I was alone, left in awe staring at the sky, alone. My light was gone, my sun had left, my trip was over. I woke up alive the next morning. When I looked outside there was the sun, no longer my sun because nothing would compare to the brightness that it radiated only yesterday, that brightness, that sun, that was my sun, this was just the sun and I was just happy to be alive.

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