15 rungs up, I get caught off guard and now I’m 47 under; queen of misery is back. I’ve gone back into my shell and there’s no amount of talking that can get me out. I was so close to seeking help, I learned how to open up and for the first time in a while my mind was clear and I was comfortable but it’s all gone. I don’t know when I’ll be back to write.

10 Struggles Of Being Not Fat, But Not Skinny Either

10 Struggles Of Being Not Fat, But Not Skinny Either

life

Thought Catalog

Okay, so I want to start this post off by clarifying that I don’t think I’m fat. However, I know I’m not stick thin. And that’s fine. No I’m not looking for comments from people being like, “OMG Sam you look GREAT” or “Girlll you have been looking so thin lately, stop it!” because in all seriousness, I am not Beyonce. I am Sam. And I am really busy so I can’t go to the gym every day like I used to. And I like french fries. And alcohol. But I have a nice looking face, I work out at least three times a week, I drink green smoothies (it’s like, they’re not that healthy, but they look like they are… so whatever), and I’m not obese so I REALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

1. Analyzing the “You look so thin!” comment on a picture.

Wait, do I actually…

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4 Things We Pursue That Are Pretty Much Guaranteed To Make Us Unhappy

second point is gold

Thought Catalog

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Everyone wants to be happier, but no one thinks to ask how. We assume we know what we need to be doing. After all we’ve seen the movies. We watch the Academy Awards. We’ve seen the smiling faces of our almost certainly more fulfilled friends on Facebook. But it’s all a trick. All the things we’ve been conditioned to think will finally bestow happiness upon as are empty. Take, for example . . .

Prestige (aka the esteem of others).

Ah, prestige. The desire to feel important.

It is a fundamental driver of nearly all human action.

But it does not satisfy.

Not in itself at least. That longing to be important is totally dependent on the opinion of others. And as long as your well being hangs on the whim of someone’s opinion, you’ll never be secure. You’ll need constant reassurance of your status. Because your self-worth doesn’t come from…

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One Simple Habit That’ll Make You Great At Conversations

wow

Thought Catalog

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Today, we’re going to completely strike from the face of the earth a pain in the ass experience we’ve ALL had….

I’m good in the first few minutes of conversation, but how do I keep a conversation going and keep the other person really interested? How do I stop it from stalling? How do I deal with silences?

Have you been there? Me too. You’re having a conversation with someone and it’s going great. Maybe it’s the CEO of the company you want a job at. Maybe it’s the beautiful girl you’re talking to at the bar. Suddenly conversation starts to stall and you’re thinking, “What do I say next??”

Today I’m going to teach you to cut those awkward pauses out at the root. No longer will you search for interesting things to say every 30 seconds! You’re going to have conversations that flow naturally and easily, regardless…

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Do what makes you comfortable, I can’t stress enough how soon we’re all going to die. Don’t waste what you’ve got wondering if other people are going to judge you for what you’re doing because it’s all in your head and what’s in the head of people that aren’t you, it’s none of your damn business. It’s all in your head, stay true to yourself. Worrying about the opinions of other people is, in fact, worrying about your own opinions. You can never be sure about thoughts that haven’t been voiced, especially those that originate in a mind that isn’t your own. Therefore, by worrying about an opinion that you formulated and assigned to somebody else, you’re worrying about your own opinion and if that doesn’t make this whole fiasco seem inadequate then I don’t know what will. You are your biggest enemy, you are your biggest critic you are the only one who can heal yourself and you can start by loving yourself, you can start by being gentle towards yourself, you can start by valuing your sanity more than you value the unvoiced thoughts of others. Stop being sad, stop feeling like a victim, stop behaving like one. The world owes you nothing, you owe yourself the world. You owe yourself love, you owe yourself creative expression, you owe it to yourself to never be ashamed of who you are, you owe it to God to thank Him for every situation you have ever found yourself in, no matter how extreme. When you’re feeling down, just remember you owe it to yourself to make room for expressions of the heart and after you come to terms with that which is making you unhappy, you drop it, you thank God and you move one. Move on, life moves on and it will do so with or without you so you might as well pick up the pace, but just keep in mind there is time to slow down when you need to. “Life is far too important a thing to ever talk seriously about.” Pass this on, and on, and on until everybody in the world learns what it means to be free.

Remember my March 10th commitment? I followed through with it, for the first time in my life I followed through. Sub7anAllah I’m so glad it was something that is going to bring me closer to God. How was it been so far? Well ups and downs is what I would label it, granted they were mild. First day, weird. Second day, weird but good because I gained a bit of confidence and I became more comfortable. Third day, I felt good with a mild uneasy feeling barely there throughout the day. Forth day, didn’t leave my house. Fifth day, I felt beautiful, my lips were red and my whole aura chanted confidence and comfort. It was Friday, maybe that was why, or maybe it was because I made it through the whole week, it was a good day Friday was. Saturday, I felt like I got the hang of it but I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom that seemed to wake me before my alarm could do its job. I had to go to work, and work is full of a bunch of racist pricks, one in particular whom I will not mention the name of. I knew it was coming the second he arrived, he stared at me longer than usual. That day he also happened to mention to my dad that people find him ignorant and racist and every other defining characteristic of a white supremacist, basically. As he was walking out the door I decided to ignore my gut and look up, smile and say goodbye, I shouldn’t have ignored my gut. He looked at me long and hard and as he was on his way out, he yelled “why do you have that thing on your head”. I fell. I’m still falling. I need to stop falling so I can get back up. It wasn’t even a simple question because he was rushing out the door when he yelled it therefore it was more of an insult. An insult spat at me in the form of a question with no intention of getting an answer. I can’t make assumptions for other people, I can’t assume I know what they were thinking, I can’t grasp their intentions, I can only respond to what was said. What he said in itself wasn’t insulting, what I extrapolated from it was, and that is wrong. I can’t do that. I can’t know what he was thinking and that is the end of that, subject dropped. Today is Sunday and I am perfectly fine al7amdulilah.