Remember my March 10th commitment? I followed through with it, for the first time in my life I followed through. Sub7anAllah I’m so glad it was something that is going to bring me closer to God. How was it been so far? Well ups and downs is what I would label it, granted they were mild. First day, weird. Second day, weird but good because I gained a bit of confidence and I became more comfortable. Third day, I felt good with a mild uneasy feeling barely there throughout the day. Forth day, didn’t leave my house. Fifth day, I felt beautiful, my lips were red and my whole aura chanted confidence and comfort. It was Friday, maybe that was why, or maybe it was because I made it through the whole week, it was a good day Friday was. Saturday, I felt like I got the hang of it but I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom that seemed to wake me before my alarm could do its job. I had to go to work, and work is full of a bunch of racist pricks, one in particular whom I will not mention the name of. I knew it was coming the second he arrived, he stared at me longer than usual. That day he also happened to mention to my dad that people find him ignorant and racist and every other defining characteristic of a white supremacist, basically. As he was walking out the door I decided to ignore my gut and look up, smile and say goodbye, I shouldn’t have ignored my gut. He looked at me long and hard and as he was on his way out, he yelled “why do you have that thing on your head”. I fell. I’m still falling. I need to stop falling so I can get back up. It wasn’t even a simple question because he was rushing out the door when he yelled it therefore it was more of an insult. An insult spat at me in the form of a question with no intention of getting an answer. I can’t make assumptions for other people, I can’t assume I know what they were thinking, I can’t grasp their intentions, I can only respond to what was said. What he said in itself wasn’t insulting, what I extrapolated from it was, and that is wrong. I can’t do that. I can’t know what he was thinking and that is the end of that, subject dropped. Today is Sunday and I am perfectly fine al7amdulilah. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s