update

I met a guy. Or maybe I re-met him. Either way I’m into him, really so beautifully into him and all that comes with him. You really don’t choose who you fall for. I saw him every day this weekend and it was the greatest weekend of my life. I want him but I don’t know if he wants me I mean I’m sure he wants to fuck me, likewise, but I want him to want me in more than a physical sense. And then there’s the other guy. The one that has a girlfriend and keeps flip flopping with my emotions, the one who I think is one of the coolest people I’ve ever met but thinks it’s okay to treat me like shit when I’ve showed him nothing but love. I am too nice of a person, not only that I’m too concerned with other people and not enough with myself and I’m scared all the fucking time. Scared of messing up of not being good enough of commitment of becoming irrelevant of losing people. I’m scared of losing people which is why I put up with so much, which is why people think it’s okay to toy with me and I think it’s okay to let them. It’s fucking with my emotions, why can’t I love and respect myself, why are other peoples wants always put before my needs. What I need is peace of mind, I need love from myself I NEED MYSELF MORE THAN I NEED ANOTHER. Love love love.

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